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Thursday, November 6th, 2008
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Yeah, good stuff abound. I got my navel ring repierced, which is always a wonderous thing. It now kinda hides the scar from the last one. My best friend had her baby! Brittni Hyzer and husband Mark are now the proud owners of Celes, a 9lbs bundle of adorable joy. Even though she slept throughout Jess and I's visist, I could tell she was going to be a hellraizer. Good luck with that B! Lets see...Still dating that correctional officer, who is also known as Jeff, tall and sexy. It is a very good thing, hopefully one day I will bear his children or something of the like, we shall see. He actually applied for a Kaysville police position which is in the works and I am 99.9% sure he is going to get. I am still loving school, and have about three semesters left before I get my bachelers degree!!! One day one day. I turn 21 this month, so be prepared for many parties from the likes you have never seen! I will hopefully update sometime in the near future not exceeding six months.
P.S- To the disgust of Jeff and all those who know me, my new favorist movie of all time is now SpeedRacer. God it's good, so very very good.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, March 18th, 2008
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So yeah...Its been a while. Several things have happened that bear a mention in the long footnote that is my life. Where to begin...
Spring break happened yeah. Got pulled over for speeding (Doing 79 in a 75 zone) and was threatened with arrest. Apparently my license was invalid and that is a BIG no-no. Long story short, I got a $200 ticket and with a bone to pick with all authority types, the leading one on my list: the DMV. They were sending letter warning me of my license problems to my OLD OLD address. I pay money to reinstate my license, it is now valid, and I'm $200 dollars in the hole. I believe my future work in the criminal justice field will be hampered by my distaste for highway patrolmen. He was a total dickwad about it too. Yes, you’re giving me a ticket. No need to be a douche about it.
Other thing that happened but not two minutes ago...I saved my apartment from a fire. It was awesome. I was sitting on the couch watching Andrew Zimmerman eat something absolutely disgusting, while my roommate cooked. She left but forgot to turn off one burner, on which contained one pan with some oil in it. Here is how it went down:
Me: I smell burning. *promptly sees smoke billowing out off the stove along with a strong bright light.*
The pan was literally bursting forth flames that were licking the ceiling fan above it. The only thing I could think to say was "FUCK! FUCK! HOLY FUCK!!!" (This is true. Ask anybody within earshot. Those exact words.) I grabbed the pan and held it over the sink while the fire roared indignantly. I knew it was a grease fire and no way was I going to turn on the faucet. It only took a few seconds for the fire to die down to a little flame, desperately clinging to the oil. Crisis averted. I have some wild nights here in school. Other things that have mention but I will not go into more depth. I need some stories to tell at future gatherings. I had a whole band come party at my place. We discussed the most dangerous creature alive: A shark with a tiger tied to its back… Deadly anywhere it goes. I’ve been dating this correctional officer from one of my classes. Super Awesome! And my good friend almost died…twice! I do have one story that is woeful for me to tell. My navel ring that I was so proud of, the barbell that gave me such joy, has been driven out by my body. Basically my skin said “Oh no you don’t!” and healed in such a way that it forced the metal bar out of my skin. REJECTED! I am truly bummed with this. R.I.P beloved Navel Ring September 11 2007- March 18 2008 You will always be remembered and loved by those closest to you.
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Comments: Read 13 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
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Me: Standing in front a wall of tampons at Smiths, perusing the items.
Incredibly good looking young man: Also perusing said items
Me: Loopy after several long hours of work and many cookies, "You too huh?"
IGLYM: Laughs loudly and shrugs, "Yeah. Me too."
This is one of many of several famous "Melissa Stories." It's quickly becoming an everyday thing. Possible more to follow.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, September 19th, 2007
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Alright, I'm going to tell you three things that I did over the week, but only two are true. GO!
1. I spent all day in Jail
2. I won $5000 dollars in a Wild Cat Draw
3. Went to a gay club and partied with transvestites
Give up? Well here we go:
I did spend all day in Jail. It was a tour with my corrections class. Extremely interesting. We got to go about and see the male inmates as they were out of their cells, of course we were separated by walls and glass, but we could see them and they could see us. They crowded around the glass and watched us. It was a bit spooky, and the warden was like, "If you make eye contact with one, don't look away and down, then they have permission to walk all over you. Just stare them down right back or look up and away." We also got to interview two female prisoners who had some stories to tell. It was meth and meth related crimes that put them away, which was sad. They each had four children and were pregnant, which I will never understand, and were of course using while pregnant and horribly abusive or neglectful. After they left I said, "Would it be calloused to put down money on whether or not they're going to be back in jail as soon as they get out?" It was sad but true, and we discussed for several hours before finally escaping. (He only locked us up once, just for a little while. He had to grab something and he said, "I'll just lock you in here just in case. I'll be back, I promise.")
Second...I did not win $5000 dollars in a Wild Cat Draw, but I did win a free pie from Smith's, so that was good if not better.
So by process of elimination, I went to a gay bar and partied with transvestites. Here is the story before any conclusions are jumped:
A girl in my class asked me if I wanted to go clubbing with her and some of her friends. New to the area and looking for friends, I readily agreed. Friday night, we meet and I drive both of us to Salt Lake. As we're talking, she tells me that she is a lesbian and whatnot, to which I reply, "Thats cool. I'm straight you know." But she kinda figured so she said she wasn't going to hit on me or nothing. So we get to this club which is an 18 or older club (We go in the under 21 entrance so we never have access to the bar) and it's called Sound. She was calling it the Gossip, and she answered my query with, "Oh, Friday's are gay nights." So I was officially clubbing gay. I cannot even say how much fun I had. I danced with incredible looking men who turned around and danced with other incredible looking men. I was hit on by lots of drunk chicks, which was a new experience, and just partied the night away. Yes, I do have pictures.
The Transvestites got on stage and danced and sang, which was so freaking cool. It was a little disheartening because on a few of these men I had to admit that my ass will never look as good as theirs. Anyway, they were really good. You can see me! *Hint: girl in white's elbow looks like it could smash my face*
Here is me and the Bouncer (To whom the next night I hung out with all night long, to which he constantly tried to get into my pants, to which I thought it was endearing that he believed I was going to change my mind. In short: Lots of fun.)
You can see my brutally short hair, (The back is even worse) so to say the least, I fit right in with the gay crowd. Go me.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
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At work:
Large burly biker man with small punked out hard core five year old son.
*Beautiful feminine music begins to play on the radio*
*Small child dances by swaying hips, shaking booty, and jumping up and down*
Large burly biker father: You're such a goofball. (Smiles proudly)
YES I WAS SHOCKED TOO! It was adorable though. Can't take anything at face value nowadays.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, September 3rd, 2007
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I think I need to take a speech class because today when I said: "Only about an inch, just enough to spike it up. I also want plenty in the back so I can have duck butt."
It must have come out sounding like: "Shave me bald so I can look like a concentration camp victim."
Maybe it was salon speak that I am not fluent in, but now, for the record, I look like a six year old boy with breasts. If you need me I will be in the corner giving pep talks to my hair follicles, you know, encouraging them to pick up the pace.
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Comments: Read 12 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, August 10th, 2007
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I had a dream where I was Homer Simpson, and it was a strange eye-opener. It was like Homer's real life, you know, before the show came out. I was getting someone else assigned to me at work because I would always sleep. My new partner was a total asshole who constantly mocked me and I kept screwing up. I would show up late and he'd reprimand me and threaten to lose me my job, which terrified me. I think that dream ruined any hope I ever had of enjoying the Simpsons again for all it's hilarity. Now I will only see it through Homer's eyes and think, "That poor man, the trials he faces." I don't even want to know what a dream interpreter would say about me dreaming that I'm a yellow fat cartoon character.
Anywho, Doing good at my new job. I'm getting over thirty hours this week *JOY* because tuition has taken a chunk out of everything, (My soul included) and I need to buy a new vacuum cleaner. If a vacuum cannot suck up lint and dust because it doesn't have the suction behind it to lift all that weight, It's time for a new one.
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Comments: Read 8 or Add Your Own.
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I may have a job! It's not certain, but like 99% certain that I'm getting the job. I just have to go meet her today and see what we can work out. I can't even say how excited I am to have employment. This whole staying home all day and cleaning up is so not worth it. I gotta make a tuition payment today (It's very much like punching yourself in the face, but it costs you too) so any and all money that I make will go to a better cause (My education).
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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I am fully moved in! I have teh internets, a bed, fridge, and tv. Everything needed to keep me occupied. Looking in the job market which is always exciting and soon the school biz. Need to sign up for classes today or tomorrow! WORK, SCHOOL, LIFE AWAITS!
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Looked at apartments. I have many options, but I think I'll stick to finding someone who just needs a roommate. I know it shouldn't be like putting an add for singles out, but I want compatibility. Should I include "long walks on the beach"?
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, July 4th, 2007
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Got to gut my account soon, renovate heavily, to put nicely. Leaving town July 7th to go apartment hunting in Utah! Hopefully, in three weeks I will be living there. I'll see how this all goes down.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 9th, 2004
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BY Brittni V.
melissa melissa,
it seems to me.
that you are a goat
that has been set free.
You eat all the food,
all over the town.
You eat in your sleep
and upside down!
You have many fleas,
it is quite a shame,
to even utter,
your horrible name.
I don't recall why,
but i wanted to say,
that even though you disgust me,
i want you to stay.
You bring joy to the world,
And all of your friends,
even though we seem,
to meet horrible ends.
You plague us by day,
and into the night.
And from experience,
I'd say it's a plight.
But we like you anyways,
Don't get me wrong.
Judging from us guys,
You're where you belong!
melissa,
This not meant to offend in any way shape or form. Just in case you can't sense my sarcasm. ^_^ Anyway, i will leave you alone now. Bai bai!!
B.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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